hot_tramp: sun and jin from lost kissing (lost-kisssunjin)
2013-04-15 12:15 am
Entry tags:

The least sexy part of sex

Hmmm. Potential challenge on the sexual horizon.

My safer sex policy is something like "If you do unprotected stuff with other people, I don't do unprotected stuff with you." This rule is not an issue with my boyfriends, because neither of them does any stuff with other people. One due to a complete lack of interest in dating anybody else, and the other because of lack of effort and opportunity, I suppose.

Well, that one -- non-cohabitating boyfriend -- has a date this week. Yay! I will probably have some feels about this, because it's really the first time he's gone on a date with somebody, but I expect them to be relatively mild. My big anxiety is, what if he determines that he actually wants monogamy and there's this rad monogamous girl offering him monogamy? But he's got himself clearly labeled as poly on his OKCupid profile, and apparently this date chick is poly, so I don't think that anxiety will get out of control.

However. All feels aside, there is a possible logistical issue. If this date works out and he starts seeing her (or someone else) and starts getting naked with her (or someone else), I fully expect him to go down on her. Based on what I know about him, a dental dam will not be in the picture. She'll probably go down on him, and it's safe to assume latex will not be involved there either. Receiving a bareback BJ has very, very, very little risk; if I recall correctly, going down on ladyparts is also pretty low-risk. But. It's still a bit of risk. And I will have to decide how to handle that.

This is complicated by the fact that he usually cannot maintain an erection with a condom on. This means we rarely have vaginal sex, and we do a lot of oral. If I decide I'm not comfortable with his junk in my mouth, we're down to necking and handjobs. Annoying. His condom problem also means he might be sorely tempted to leap at an offer of unprotected vaginal sex. But that's really bare speculation on my part.

Honestly, my risk tolerance is such that I wouldn't worry about him having unprotected oral with someone else. Cohabitating boyfriend, however, has a lower risk tolerance than I do. I don't know if any of this would wig him out. It seems to me that the risk of Chick #1 passing something to Dude #1 via oral, Dude #1 passing it to Chick #2 via oral or condom'd PIV, and Chick #2 passing it to Dude #2 via condom'd PIV is pretty dang low. To me, it doesn't seem appreciably riskier than the usual network of condom'd PIV. But it's not for me to tell him what level of risk he should accept.

This is the un-fun part of nonmonogamy, I suppose: Reconciling the varying risk tolerances of several people. Any feedback is welcome, but I think I really just needed to write that out.
hot_tramp: EDI the sexy robot from Mass Effect (mass-effect-edi)
2013-04-13 11:31 am
Entry tags:

A replicant or a lesbian

I'm clipping Blade Runner right now, and I find myself thinking "God, I love that shot" about every three minutes. Such a gorgeous movie.

Also, I need Rachael's coats.





I have bangs like hers right now, but I'm not sure how to do the rest of her hairdo.

The boything made me very proud when we watched this together. During the "seduction" scene, he sat quietly for a minute and then said, "Man, the number of things that are wrong with this scene. Wow." Anti-rape-culture boys are the best.
hot_tramp: Rita Sue from Carnivale (Default)
2013-04-03 10:55 pm
Entry tags:

Cover letter swag

Randomly, LinkedIn sent me an email today full of local job listings, and it actually included a job I am qualified for and might even like. I am employed at the moment, but we're trying to relocate 20-30 miles south, and that commute would not work. This company is about five miles north of the neighborhood we have our eye on, and you can take surface streets from point A to point B instead of slogging through freeway traffic. We wants it, precious.

So I applied. I had to redo my resume, but it was surprisingly fun. I tend to remember my failures more intensely than my successes, but damn it, I've done some good shit. I migrated a company's (small) website from a static HTML brochureware site to a CMS, and added a bunch of rad content. I brought a neglected AdWords campaign back from the dead and monitored ROI like a madwoman. I wrote informative, clear blog posts and product copy. Tonight, I feel like I don't suck.

I kind of hate applying for writing jobs, though, because I feel I must exercise CONSTANT. VIGILANCE. lest a typo or homophone get through. (Embarrassingly, I have been typing "then" instead of "than" lately, not because I forgot which is which, but apparently because my brain cannot think at 85 wpm, which is how fast my fingers are moving.) I also obsess over cover letters when I apply for a writing job. My cover letter is my audition. Particularly when one is applying to write sales copy. Copywriter, sell thyself. I got cute with it and listed out my "features and benefits." I basically swung my dick around for the entire thing, bragging like god's gift, and managing to do so without lying at all! Turning off the humility and turning on the grandiosity is a good exercise.

Anyway, if they don't call me, no big. I have a job. I can look for a more different job at a leisurely pace. This is the first time that's happened in ... just about exactly five years, I think. It feels good.
hot_tramp: ten commandments kink (religion-kink)
2013-04-02 07:28 pm
Entry tags:

Kink avalanche

I've been dating this motherfucker for how many years, and now he tells me he wants to spank me, tie me up, gag me, etc.?

Apparently I opened the floodgates when I made my kink request a few weeks ago. I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but what the fuck, he's just been sitting on this?!
hot_tramp: lady gaga (gaga-dancefloor)
2013-03-31 08:10 pm
Entry tags:

The Girl and the Mashup

The robot-themed vid project has led me to finally learn some audio editing as well. I am working on what may become a serviceable mashup! Try as I might, I could NOT find an electronica/electro/EBMish song with a female vocalist that would work for this damn vid. I found lyrics from a few songs I liked, and nice instrumental bits from a few other songs, and decided FUCK IT I'll make my own damn song. Of course the songs I want don't have studio acapellas floating around so I had to find or make DIY acapellas. Which are a bit dodgy, to say the least. I may be able to patch it all together with scotch tape and paper clips.

The project also led me to spend an evening watching Small Wonder, that truly awful television show from the eighties. Just so, so bad. Not quite as bad as Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs, though. The things we do for art.
hot_tramp: ten commandments kink (religion-kink)
2013-03-29 08:02 am
Entry tags:

Kink etiquette

Is it me, or is this just as obnoxious as unsolicited dick pics and copy-pasted porn?

"I have an odd request for you. I'm in a D/s relationship and my Daddy has given me an assignment. I have to get five women to look at a picture of me in the lingerie Daddy bought me. I also have to get punishment suggestions from you. This is a public humiliation assignment, so it's really hard for me to do this. I hope you reply."

This was on OKCupid, mind you, not FetLife. I'm tempted to reply with some helpful hints about, I dunno, not using random strangers in your humiliation play, but I also kind of feel like I'm being a prig. What say you, interweb?
hot_tramp: Ariadne from Inception (inception-ariadne)
2013-03-23 08:57 am

State of the neurotransmitters

Well, this week sucked. I had one of those days when I paused, looked around, and said "Oh, right, I'm actually really goddamn depressed." Cried for several hours straight. Had insomnia, and ended up calling in sick to work for two days even though I do not have the sick time so I'm just out that pay. And now feel anxious, guilty, and self-loathing. It's the ciiiiiirrrrcle of faaaaaaiiiil.

I talked to my mother, which was helpful. It made me realize I am actually holding onto a lot of anger at her. My family left my city at Christmas and moved to another state. I didn't feel angry about it at first, but as the months go by and I realize I'm going to see them two or three times a year instead of twice a month, the resentment is growing. I do not plan on discussing this with her. She felt crazy guilty about the move and I don't need to stir that up again. I can work on letting it go on my own.

On the plus side, my mom's wisdom vis a vis self-destructive misery proved helpful once again. I don't know if this is a 12-step concept or something from her old therapist or what, but she talks about "energy" -- not in a woo way, but suggesting that some people and activities drain our energy and others bolster it. "Energy-in" vs. "energy-out." She encouraged me to reflect on what energy-in things I'm doing, and if there aren't many, I should make a list and resolve to do those things more often. My list so far:

Writing fiction
Writing non-fiction, esp. when it involves explaining something
Learning new things
Snuggling with animals
Snuggling with boyfriends
Going to the beach or the woods
Spending time with friends
Dancing
Cooking & baking

I have been doing some of these things, but I think I identified the problem: I'm doing them at work, when I'm supposed to be working. I feel so anxious and guilty about that, I don't get the energy; or if I get it, it's immediately eaten up by the bad feelings about being a slacker, a dumbass who can't focus, a perpetual failure who's bound to get fired again, etc. Maybe that realization -- that I'm actually draining myself even more when I do my energy-in things at the wrong time -- will help me resist the urge to do those things instead of working. Of course, after realizing this, I called in sick for two days and walked around with a lump in my stomach the whole time. So maybe not.

I can't decide if TV, movies, books, and video games should go on the list. Sometimes those things just feel like anesthetic. Like I'm not really enjoying myself, and I'm really just distracting myself from how unhappy I am. Listening to music is not on the list right now. I may have ruined that for myself by using music as a tool to get through my workdays; some of my favorite albums are way too associated with gross work feelings for me to listen to them at home. I'm also not sure about role-playing. I love making characters, but honestly, I sometimes feel stressed during a session because I feel like I suck at describing combat actions in an interesting way. I'm also pretty sure that my friends think my characters are one-dimensional, so that's not fun. We're closing out a long Rifts campaign today. I'm not sure if I'll join in for the next game.

So I guess I need to start seeing my annoying shrink again. I'm not looking forward to that, but it seems preferable to starting over with a new one.

In happy news, the Three-Sentence Ficathon has been amusing me. I like some of the things I wrote for it and have put them on AO3. Yay.
hot_tramp: EDI the sexy robot from Mass Effect (mass-effect-edi)
2013-03-17 12:54 pm
Entry tags:

Robots and cyborgs and gynoids, oh my

One of the vids I'm working on is about lady robots. (I already found an AMV along similar lines, but I think my idea is different enough that I don't feel like a big ol' copycat.) I'm at the point where I'm planning and clipping and whatnot. My question is this: Should I include cyborgs? Cyborgs and robots are not the same thing, but they can look similar visually, and their story arcs can be quite similar, too, and include similar themes. Lord knows I can fill 3-4 minutes with robots alone, but there are some very cool cyborg ladies to potentially include.
hot_tramp: snape reads fanfic (hp-fanfic)
2013-03-12 07:28 pm
Entry tags:

Wankstalgia

The Fandom_Wank March Madness Deathmatch has been taking me down memory lane. I'm backing MsScribe on account of sheer wank volume, although for craftsmanship, nothing will ever beat Anne Rice's Dickensian principles.

FML, it's been six years since my only noteworthy contribution to fandom.

In related news, I just found my JF password. No good can come of this.
hot_tramp: kara thrace is a bitch (bsg-karabitch)
2013-03-11 07:12 am
Entry tags:

More like DOLT-ar, amirite?

I watched a lot of Battlestar Galactica this weekend, clipping like a madwoman for my maybe-for-Wiscon vid. I had forgotten that the show could easily be subtitled "or How Gaius Baltar Repeatedly Failed at Life and Doomed Humanity." One of his few moments of non-fail -- helping Gina -- was really about him wanting a replacement for Caprica and eventually undermined by his pushy/rapey attitude toward her. Ugh.

Also, plot hole: Why did he give her the nuke, and why did she use it in that way and at that moment?

Postscript: the number of fucks given about Kara/Lee remains infinitesimal.
hot_tramp: lady gaga (gaga-dancefloor)
2013-03-06 07:28 pm
Entry tags:

God help me, I kind of love Taylor Momsen's band

I listened to waaaaaaaay too much chick-metal and angst-rock today, desperately trying to find a song for my planned vid. (Well, one of my planned vids.) It's about bearing the weight of difficult choices, and lemme tell ya, it's hard to find a song that works for that! As my friend pointed out today, very few songs with a female vocalist pass the Bechdel test. It's boys and lurve and sex and breakups from morning 'til night.

Current top contender: "Stand My Ground," by Within Temptation. And it's still a little too chipper. I really like the idea of this cover of Linkin Park's "Numb" and "What I've Done," but the production is a little weird, and I would feel like a complete brat if I messaged the musician like "Hey, your vocals are way too low in the middle, so could you maybe mix this again? And if you could add 60-90 seconds, that would be great!" I guess "Fear and Loathing" by Marina and the Diamonds is still kind of in the running.

I may say fuck it and use "Army of Me" or "Destroy Everything You Touch." Fortunately, I don't need to decide right now. I still have a shitload of frapsing and clipping to do.
hot_tramp: kara thrace is a bitch (bsg-karabitch)
2013-03-05 01:11 pm

I'm sure this makes me an elitist hobag

But wow, is there ever a lot of badfic in Mass Effect fandom.

I freely admit that any Original Character protagonist automatically puts a story in my badfic bin. Particularly when they're paired with a canon character. Boyfriend thinks Mass Effect fandom is particularly ripe for Mary Sues because so many people play the games in a self-insert kinda way.

There's also a lot of longfic. That's not inherently bad, but it's annoying when I'm looking for a quick smutty read and have to wade through a lot of 50k+ word epics. Oh, and another instant badfic indicator for me: Abuse of author's notes. If there's one at the end of every chapter, I start having fanfiction.net flashbacks and break out in hives.

On the plus side, I am finding a steady supply of decent porn! I think I'm possibly enjoying the Turian sex a bit much. That's like half a step from furries, right?
hot_tramp: ten commandments kink (religion-kink)
2013-03-03 06:37 pm
Entry tags:

Kink win!

Both of my boyfriends are vanilla, and while they know I'm kinky, we generally don't discuss specifics. I think they know the broad strokes thanks to a) stuff I own, b) things I've written on LJ in the past, and c) offhand comments I've made. But I feel weird talking about it with them in any detail because they are, like, the anti-fetishists. You know how dudes are always asking how to get their ladies to be wild in bed, and they'll say "Honey, tell me your fantasies," and supposedly the ladies reply "I don't really have any"? That's them. They like sex because it feels nice and because it's loving and intimate. Rose petals and eye contact and shit. And I'm over here going "Right, but could you maybe objectify me a little?"

This was a non-issue for several years because my sex drive was nil thanks to depression and then Zoloft. If I could muster up enough libido to fuck, I wasn't interested in bells and whistles. For about the last year, though, I've consistently been interested in sex. And then I spent three months dating a guy I was ridiculously sexually compatible with -- bi, kinky, switchy, horny, talented, etc. That ended, I was completely emotionally ruined for a while, and I've only just opened up shop again, so to speak. And I'm discovering that 100% vanilla is not really cutting it anymore.

I spent the weekend with my medium-distance boyfriend, whom I see pretty much every other weekend since he lives about 100 miles away. We went to karaoke. I got tipsy. We were being very smoochy and gropey and flirty in our booth. After hemming and hawing for a while, I worked up the courage to tell him something I wanted him to do in bed. For all the game I talk about communication, this was actually quite scary for me. I was afraid he would laugh uncomfortably and pretend I never said anything, or go along with it even if it seemed weird and didn't feel right. It's pretty fucking tame, but I'm good at psyching myself out. It took two tall drinks for me to chill out enough to actually say "You know how I like it when you pull my hair? I also like a hand on my throat. Like, a lot."

And then we went home and had sex, and he totally choked me a little, and it was awesome. \o/

Trying to negotiate kink with vanilla men is interesting. I don't know if other switchy women have had this experience, but it seems like it's much easier to get a straight vanilla guy to do some light topping/domming than to do any kind of bottoming/subbing. Blah blah blah patriarchy. Fortunately I'm about 75% bottom/sub, so this works out acceptably. As much as I would love to tie them up and peg the hell out of them, I can live with this. (To their credit, they are both at least consistent -- they have no desire to give or receive any butt stuff.)
hot_tramp: Mass Effect's Shepard and Garrus (mass-effect-shep-garrus)
2013-03-01 03:48 pm
Entry tags:

BUT WHY DO I KEEP THINKING OF REALLY AWESOME VID IDEAS

that would take an obscene number of woman-hours to complete?

I also feel like all my ideas, while lady-centric, are insufficiently ~feminist~ for WisCon. Like, I'm pretty sure "Mass Effect Grrrrrrl Power" and "EDI is Awesome" lack the requisite cultural gravitas. Adding femslash usually helps, right?
hot_tramp: daniel from lost is confused (lost-confused)
2013-02-27 08:03 pm
Entry tags:

Vidding for WisCon? Maybe?

WisCon wants newbie vidders to submit vids about feminism, technology, and sf/f? Well sheeeeeeeit. I have about eight ideas that could work for that. Remains to be seen if I can execute them competently and promptly, but deadlines are generally good for my creativity, so ... yee-haw?
hot_tramp: Mass Effect's Shepard and Garrus (mass-effect-shep-garrus)
2013-02-23 06:44 pm
Entry tags:

No Time for Doubt - Mass Effect Vid

Title: No Time for Doubt
Fandom: Mass Effect
Music: "Extreme Queen (Moby vs. Queen vs. Public Enemy)" by LeeDM101
Summary: Shepard leaves Eden Prime a changed woman.

Read more... )

BABY'S FIRST VID! This ended up waaaaay more ambitious than I planned. It gave me lots of opportunities to experiment with Fraps, the Mass Effect command console, and Sony Vegas. I feel a little more prepared to start the ~artsy~ vids I've been pondering. Don't think I'm brave enough to post this to any comms, though.
hot_tramp: ten commandments kink (religion-kink)
2013-02-09 09:09 am
Entry tags:

Is the AO3 headed toward trouble?

Right now, there's a throwdown on FetLife (a popular kinky social network) over content restrictions. It reminds me a bit of the old LJ battles -- except it looks like FL is going to end up with rules that are more restrictive than LJ's. Or at least, LJ's post-strikethrough rules. If they've tightened up over the last couple years, I wouldn't have noticed.

The credit card processing companies have been putting the squeeze on sex-related websites, telling them they will no longer do business with them unless they crack down on certain types of content. When this content is discussions about grooming children for sexual abuse, this crackdown is awesome. FL was taking a very lax position on such content, allowing communities about trufax non-fantasy molestation to continue. So, you know, fuck that, and yay for someone getting FL to shut that shit down.

The credit card companies are also insisting that FL disallow other "obscene" content. Remember that "obscene," in the U.S., means more than "pornographic." They are specifically calling out scat, bestiality, and incest (even among adults). And they're apparently asking that fictional content about these topics be forbidden, too.

This worries me. The AO3 doesn't have any such content restrictions. Does that mean the OTW is in danger of getting squeezed like this? I just wrote a moderately graphic teen sibling incest fic for Yuletide. (Based, mind you, on canon teen sibling incest from a 17th century play.) Is the OTW eventually going to be pressured to delete fics like that or lose the ability to take money from people through anything but BitCoin?
hot_tramp: Rita Sue from Carnivale (Default)
2013-01-31 09:29 am
Entry tags:

Is this thing on?

*taps microphone*

Been feeling fannish lately and missing my daily dose of fandom weirdos, so here I am.

Currently on a video game kick. Way too obsessed with Mass Effect right now. Developing an unhealthy fetish for Turians.

Seriously considering learning to vid. Likelihood of that actually happening? No idea. But I have some video editing experience, so that increases the odds a bit.

So what have I missed?
hot_tramp: slash? (grease-slash)
2010-07-24 01:22 pm

Your headers are the scene of the crime

Dear Inception fandom:

Welcome! You have kick-ass source material, hot actors, and an active high-quality kink meme that's jump-starting things with style. So awesome! There's just one thing I need to ask of you:

Stop warning for slash.

Same-sex relationships are not something we need to "warn" for. LGBT relationships are not like graphic violence or nonconsensual sex. Warning for slash is not cute. It's homophobic, whether you intend it to be or not. Stoppit.

But please keep writing Arthur/Eames and Ariadne/Everyone!

Despite your fail, with love,
[personal profile] hot_tramp
hot_tramp: silk spectre and silhouette (watchmen-silkspectresilhouette)
2010-06-25 11:44 pm

I could teach a writing-avoidance class

I'm so good at procrastinating, you guys. Today, faced with the prospect of actually getting down and dirty and writing the porn bit of my fic, I was suddenly gripped by the overwhelming need to make an LJ icon to use when I eventually post said fic. Be prepared, that's my motto! So I spent about an hour looking for screencaps. No dice. Then I spent a half-hour installing a program that would allow me to make my own large batch of screencaps. Then I found out iTunes doesn't even sell the film in question, which makes NO goddamn sense, and [community profile] iheartcinema is closed, so forget pirating. Then I scoured dA for something suitable. Then I appropriated an appealing image and fucked around in GIMP for a while. VICTORY!

Did I mention that I also spent a couple hours fretting over my DW journal layout? Like, to the point that I registered an account at Colour Lovers so I could play with palettes and patterns more easily?

WRITING GETS ME SCURRED.

Also, I think I'm writing intellislash. Leaves aren't quite falling and swirling, but it's a close thing.