yallya ([personal profile] yallya) wrote in [personal profile] hot_tramp 2013-04-17 05:33 pm (UTC)

Why can't they talk about it? I'm still puzzled by that bit :).

But I am glad things /will/ get talked about, with you as go-between :).

Rereading the thread with my theoretically-more-awake brain, I still worry that I sounded harsh. Besides being sick and super sleep-deprived, I was having a wrist tendonitis flareup that made my typing uncharacteristically terse. You know I am your huge admirer, right?

Some bits from before:

>His condom problem also means he might be sorely tempted to leap at an offer of unprotected vaginal sex. But that's really bare speculation on my part.

Would he really do that, knowing what it might cost him with you? Does he have trouble thinking things through to their consequences? I am wondering how realistic this concern of yours is. I don't know the guy :).

>A while ago, when non-cohabitating boyfriend and I got back together and it became apparent that his condom issue wasn't going to improve, I raised the issue of dropping condoms with him. Cohabitating boyfriend was very uncomfortable with that. Despite the fact that he and I always use condoms, he doesn't go down on me, and non-cohabitating boyfriend wasn't sleeping with anyone else. That seems like a very low risk tolerance to me.

Was it really about risk? This is another classic P&K question :). You know how sometimes people talk about a fear of STIs because it seems more acceptable than talking about a fear of closeness. Could he have been concerned that sex without condoms would feel more intimate to you, or to non-co-bf, or to himself?

I totally agree that non-co-bf is not going to run off into the sunset to be monogamous with a poly girl, BTW :). But it's still fine to have twinges about it. There is so much cultural conditioning to feel that way. Better to feel it and let it pass than to stuff it, IMO.

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