yallya ([personal profile] yallya) wrote in [personal profile] hot_tramp 2013-04-19 04:21 am (UTC)

>Cohabitating boyfriend will discuss all kinds of stuff with me, but that feels extremely intimate to him, and I don't think he would like getting into emotional and sexual stuff with a friend. I think you've suggested that men tend to get their needs for emotional intimacy met almost exclusively with their romantic partners, not with their friends. He's definitely like that.

I do think it's the custom for men in our culture, or some segments of our culture. I think it's the root of things like PUA anger at women, for example. Men are told they can only get this need met by women who sleep with them, and so sexual/romantic courtships get this whole additional charge. A nonconsensual (on the part of the women who are not dating them) power dynamic, really.

But I don't think it's inherent in men :). In some sub/cultures it's the other way around -- men's deep emotional connections do not include women.

I think it's big thing in geek culture -- which strikes me as odd. Geek guys I know often have very long term, very important relationships with male friends. But they do not talk to them! To me, talking about emotional stuff is how I define a friend vs. an acquaintance, so my mind boggles.

>Non-cohabitating boyfriend is not emotionally forthcoming with anyone, even with me. It's an ongoing struggle for me to accept this. I broke up with him over it once, and have considered leaving again a time or two since we got back together. He is getting better at receiving my emotional stuff, at least, and he has suddenly started talking more about sex with me. To my knowledge, he doesn't discuss sex with his friends.

Well I can sure see why these two would not talk! I am happy to hear that this guy is starting to open up a bit to you :). Being able to listen is a good start :).

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